Posts Tagged ‘News’

Just a heads up on what’s happenin’.

I am working on two episodes of the podcast simultaneously. Actually it’s one episode of the Ghoulzone, and the first episode of something new. There are issues and delays happening all around me now, but rest assured that progress is being made and I am continuing with the production of podcasting type stuff.

I slacked on the Ghoultoons again too, but a new one is coming up shortly.

I again apologise for my inconsistancy, but I can say that stuff is happening even when you don’t hear from me for awhile.

Fans of H.P. Lovecraft can now enjoy a new book discovered recently by Lovecraft archivists. This work was not even known to exist since no references to it were found in any of the author’s many published and unpublished works, including articles and personal letters.

With the blessings of the Lovecraft estate, various pages, notes, and instructions have been painstakingly compiled into a new finished volume and will be first new work by H.P. Lovecraft to be published in many years.

What is the new book about?

It’s a cookbook.

“We know Lovecraft wasn’t known for his culinary skills,” said head archivist Lou DeReada, “but once we read though these manuscripts we realized what might have led to the author’s sensitive stomach.” Indeed, Lovecraft wrote about habitually eating only 2 meals per day “since my digestion raises hell if I try to eat oftener than once in 7 hours”, and spending only three dollars a week on food.

The recipes contained in this newly discovered book are thought to be earlier writings and may help to explain how the author might have developed digestive difficulties later in his life.

The new tome entitled “The 50 Delicious Recipes of Unknown Kadath” contains complete instructions and lists of ingredients for creating assorted dishes like Uncouth Black Oozed Filet Mignon, Sweet and Sour Sothoth, and Fungi from Yuggoth au gratin.

However, DeReada cautions against actually trying to create any of the meals from the cookbook.

“We sent sample recipes to a test kitchen in New York’s famous Le Jirque restaurant”, he said. “Within the first hour, 6 chefs went mad and ran from the building tearing at their faces and screaming something like ‘the stars will soon be in the right positions to revive Them’. One of them also screamed about a ‘doom of a cycle of eternity without cloves or crushed red pepper’. We recommend that the readers at least use caution, especially when preparing for dinner parties.”

Below is a sample recipe from the new book. This excerpt is edited to reduce the risk of insanity.

Many-Tentacled Forbidden Blasphemies in White Wine Sauce

Ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon minced onion
1 teaspoon minced celery
8 (6 ounce) scaly greenish tentacles (can substitute grey antennae)
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon minced green bell pepper
2 tablespoons blue-litten K’n-yan, diced
1 colossal and nameless blasphemy with glaring red pimentos
1 ounce white wine

Slice a pocket into the side of each tentacle, and stuff generously with blue-litten K’n-yan, set aside. Heat olive oil in a large cast iron skillet over medium heat. Saute garlic and onion for 1 minute. Stir in bell pepper and colossal and nameless blasphemy with glaring red pimentos, and saute until tender. Scream to the heavens of the horror of staring into the face of forever, season to taste with salt and pepper. Place tentacles in skillet, and cook until a shapeless protoplasm forms or until done. Reduce heat, stir in white wine and prepare for the arrival of the Old Ones. Top with the souls of the dead or bacon.

The 50 Delicious Recipes of Unknown Kadath will be available in bookstores everywhere for a limited time. The printing itself won’t be limited, just the amount of time to purchase before the arrival of the mindless Other Gods covers the earth in fetid rot and the screams of the dying, but in time for the holidays.

Just a teaser for the zombie t-shirt I’m working on now. Yes, there will be blood.

I am gradually in the process of gradually revising and upgrading this website gradually.

So far I am engaged in Project A: The T-shirt Paintings Thingy. The only thing that will interrupt this project is if I can get freelance art gigs. Otherwise, this is my freelance art gig. My boss is cool, but his depression and constant growling is a bit distracting.

Also on the agenda is more content. I keep wrestling with this issue because I came to realize I’m just not up to competing with other horror sites. The people who run those websites have a tendency to go outside their houses and talk to other people, gathering interviews and reporting on films and events to create content and keeping up on all the latest news and releases.

I don’t have the ability to do all that, especially since I lost the key to my ankle shackles (chafing sucks) and my front door has a right handed knob and I’m left handed. You can see my dilemma.

So, it’s back to my roots and focusing on the two basic interests of mine that this site was made for:

Mud Wrestling and Pornography.

No wait, those are my other websites. I mean Horror and Comedy.

I feel I should make content that is unique compared to other horror movie websites, and by unique I mean I will avoid going to other sites and realizing that I wasn’t the first one to do what I’m doing. Ignorance is bliss. That’s what they say anyway, I don’t know anything about that, which makes me happy.

So Project B (saying “project” makes it sound all scientific like) is for me to get blogging. Yes, everyone thinks blogging is important. Don’t they? It’s a project and all project-like. To the people that write them. The readers are on their own. If they don’t like it they can blog about it. Anyways, this is me blogging and you reading, so let’s agree to keep doing what we’re doing.

Project C (formerly known as the Project Without A Letter) consists of trying to decide if I want to put movie reviews on the website. I made a section for it, then I thought “EVERYONE does movie reviews”. I usually think in quotes.

So the question is do you want to see yet another asshole reviewing the same horror movies others have already seen on yet another horror website? For one thing, I can be a movie reviewing asshole on my podcast (more on that momentillerary) and including the reviews on the site means more typing. If you knew what I was using to type this now you’d agree that this is not a good idea.

I therefore leave this question to you, the both of you who ever contact me about anything. Do you want it? Because I can do the typing if I use lotion and cloth bandages.

Project D is to get with the podcasting again. I wasn’t pleased with what I recorded for the last couple of “unaired” shows so I want to reboot the thing. I would like for it to be funnier, but I’d have to get a sense of humor and I’m still saving up to buy a really good one.

I still have the need to pontificate at length about my various “film theories”, and I need to justify the years of money and time I spent not enrolling in any film school whatsoever and sitting on couches watching horror movies and smoking things that smelled like cat shit and burning hair.

I’m revising, revamping, renewing, and retarding. I still don’t know if the podcast will come out on a regular basis, but I won’t be waiting months between shows anymore.

I would like to ask for your help. I would like to feature segments by other people on the shows, so if you’re interested in doing horror related podcasting and you’re too smart to start your own podcast, I invite you to try yourself out on my show. As long as your segment has something to do with horror and comedy, the rest is up to you. Talk about what you want, and don’t worry about being serious. I’m serious.

If you’re better than I am at it you’re not going to get played. I’m kidding. Nobody is better at it than I am.

Think of a funny name for your segment and we can make it a regular thing. Since I have no voicemail as yet, mp3 files are the way to get airtime on the show for just about any comments you have. Remember to keep on the two topics of horror and comedy. Be comedy, and be horrible.

Project Q (formerly known as The Project Too Cool To Be An E) is me begging you for more help with content. WRITERS. Write a column and you’re in. We can also make that a regular thing, for which you will regularly be paid nothing. Don’t be disappointed, I don’t get paid either. Probably because of my typing style.

Still, of you’re interested, submit and you may get your own column. Don’t tell anyone this, but my master plan here is to create something sort of like The Onion for horror. That is if I can figure out how to redesign this site to have a magazine-like format that will show updates to all the new content. Again, if anyone knows how I can go about this without being overwhelmed with the desire to smash my own skull against every available wall, please do let me know.

See, I’m begging for more free help on this too, and I should be getting it soon. I have been sacrificing the hamsters every midnight as per the instructions of He Who Walks Under The Wood Shavings, so I expect to receive the money, power, and pellets I so richly deserve.

The email link is at the upper left of this site where it says Contact Ghoulzone. Please write in if you wanna suffer along with me and spread the word among your horror hangouts that I’m looking for guest stars. When I figure out how to set it all up we will be Thunderbirds Go. I am ready to amalgamate. And learn to spell words like amalgamate.

Maybe it’s not just in, but I’ve been cutting the guy slack for a long time now. And every time I do, he comes back with another comment like the ones in this recent article in Variety about RZ making a remake of The Blob:

“My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change,” Zombie said. “That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.”

So. A Blob movie without a Blob. Just a huge white trash guy in a mask, right?

I want it noted for the record that I did my best to understand this guy and try to dig what he’s doing. I kept saying that he should just be given the money to make Devil’s Rejects over and over again since that’s all he knows how to do. I tried to understand but I can’t.

Rob Zombie is a fucking idiot.

I am in the process of editing Episode 4 of the podcast, and it should be posted soon.

I’ve been so damned busy lately and just can’t seem to get a couple of hours alone to get the show fully recorded. People and animals like to make noise it seems, and my gawd we can’t have that.

Fortunately I figured out that I can get more things done if I stop wasting time sleeping.

But I do want to try to get more regular content on the website, so here’s what you’ll be seeing in the near future-

• Regular blog entries a few times a week about horror stuff I see around teh internets
• A couple of new mini features on the right sidebar: one called Random Freakage which is a set of rotating mini Ghoultoons. I’ll add more images there now and then. Each page refresh will give you a new chuckle.
• The other is Pick My Brain, which will be funny mini blog posts. Hooray for Wordpress widgets!
• Movie reviews in their own section, I’m still working out the format I want to use for them
• A Ghoulzone store with a wide variety of awesome swag

So be sure to stop by and see the ongoing mutation.

BTW – I’ve been getting more great feedback on the Ghoultoons, and I’m happy that you guys are enjoying them so much. There are plenty more to come. And be sure to pay attention to the message boards for all your favorite podcasts, because you never quite know when or where the Ghoultoons will stike next! I may infect yours!

Stick around, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!